My Appreciation Journal: Day 161

dreaming kitty

I am focused on me. I am strong. I love and am loved dearly. I am blessed. I live in success. I have 幸せ (happiness)~

I am grateful for being able to wake up slowly today and for getting to school before the person whom I was meeting arrived~

I am grateful for learning about empathy (and humility) indirectly through an incident with a labmate. I could not find the markers in my office yesterday so borrowed them from hers. I should have returned them, but instead I left them in my office as I rushed for the late-night bus, and apparently I forgot to cap one of them too, which dried the marker. This infuriated my labmate, who sent me a terse email. I apologized immediately upon reading, and found her after coming to school to apologize personally again (as it really was my fault) to convey how awfully I felt about my negligence. However, she was still quite angry. According to her, we have had several discussions about this before, but, in actuality, it was one (I know for certain because I really do not like going into others’ offices and especially avoid going into hers, and that one time was just a couple of weeks before when my pens had gone missing again). Of course, being the one at fault, I made no mention of this and just accepted it and apologized, making no excuses. When she focused on how apparently this has become a regular occurrence, I responded by saying, “yes, this must be really frustrating for you,” which angered her even more. She cut me off harshly saying that I should not try my training cXXX on her. This statement upset and hurt me, as I was by no means trying to apply anything on her but simply want to acknowledge her upset. I kept apologizing, though, and only left her when she waved me away. However, as I was already offended, I started feeling a bit unjust. Firstly, our offices are all shared as well as all equipments in there (save for items that are obviously personally-owned), so I did not know that the pens, which we all use for our respective studies, were her personal property, as no one else is also aware that some of the items I have in my office are my own personal belongings, too, and freely use them. I never touch things that are obviously personal, only office equipments (e.g., computers, pens, printers, paper), so the only problem she has had with me is about the office equipments which I had mistook for them being public property. Secondly, I myself never became openly upset with anyone for their taking/using my own personal property as long as I could find them in the lab somewhere, and this specific labmate has herself taken my phone charger in the past a few times to her own office or came to my office to use it, only I did not mind and told her it was okay when I found her using it. Thirdly, I felt hurt when she attacked my background/training. I understand that laypeople have misconceptions about our discipline, and she herself is in a different discipline, but being in the same general field and who, too, understand laypeople’s stereotypes, I would never have expected this personal attack. After brooding upon this for a while, and feeling unjustly accused and even thinking her hypocritical for being someone who has done the same thing she had been angry with me about, it suddenly hit me that I should not have felt the way I did. Foremost, yes, she has taken my personal belongings without my permission before without any repercussion or reactions from me, but that does not mean that I should expect the same from her. I became upset because I had treated her the same way I wanted to be treated, only she did not reciprocate. I was focused on how I had wanted to be treated, but NOT on how she would liked to be treated herself. I abided to the Golden Rule of treating others the way how we would like to be treated, but, in truth, we should really treat others the way THEY WOULD want to be treated. I should not have imposed my standards on her: Just because I do not openly get upset with people for using my things because I trust that people are not malicious or intentional in their mistakening my property with the lab’s DOES NOT mean that she should think/be the same way. After all, empathy means putting myself in her shoes! Secondly, she is, essentially, a layperson in a way, to my studies, and I should not have taken it personally for her misconception.

I went to get new Sharpie markers and offered her one along with another apology upon my return. She was still visibly upset, and refused the marker (because it was not the one she wanted), but had become calmer and reciprocated my wish for her a good weekend. By the time she was preparing to leave school and came over to remind me of a general announcement she did not seem upset anymore and was back to her usual self. This was a lesson indeed for which I am grateful~

I am grateful for the female partner of my couple dropping by and having a great talk with me. She was so sweet and even wanted me to work with her and her partner! We’re going to stay in touch 🙂

I am grateful for the work done today

I am grateful for my supervisor who excused me from tomorrow’s shift even if I could not find anyone to replace me

I am grateful for my colleague who kindly offered to take my shift tomorow~

I am grateful for getting my replacement markers for free

I am grateful for my botanist friend’s msg about my weekend. Turns out that he ate the argula, but found it too spicy(?) I’m hoping he would invite me to try other things though, except that I’m a little too busy prepping for finals…

To my him, my beloved familiar:

Thank you for encouraging me

Thank you for reminding me about humility and modesty

Thank you for our loving relationship

I desperately need sleep, but I wish to go to bed tonight with you beside me or at least in my dreams~ I’m coming home to become your snuggle kitty~.^