I have been feeling very apologetic recently over what happened between me and the young professional. I was awful to the poor guy…
I recently met a young professional from my bank. He is not a front-desk employee, but one of the higher-level members as a corporate-bank associate. My first impression of him was that he was articulate and well-spoken. Most strikingly, he was confident when approaching me, unlike others who either feigned it awkwardly or out right fumble. Even Anthony, as confident as he was with girls, admitted to feeling unusually nervous upon first meeting me given that he knew about my background. However, I can tell that his confidence is not natural, but, rather, it was acquired through gradual self-improvement. I suspect he was not very outstanding in his youth, but eventually made himself more attractive through determination and hard work. That, along with his naturally not-so-bad looks (enhanced through exercising), have built his confidence with girls, who no doubt easily give in to his advances. This is not inconceivable, as upon first glance, he is definitely a hot catch in his current state. Standing at around 6’1 with a good muscular build due to his fitness regimes, which include boxing with a personal trainer and regular gym time (everyday at lunch!), blue eyes, and youthful face, he definitely is good-looking by conventional means. However, what made more of an impression on me about the boy – I call him one because he is younger than me – was that he is also quick in wits, and is one of the few who is able to make a retort more readily than 99% of others who just end up giggling or drooling off before me. I am not sure how compassionate he is, but he has been more and less a gentleman in physical conduct despite my treatment of him. I am aware that he makes an excellent salary based on his spending and his position in my bank, which I am sure makes him even more attractive to many other people.
He was quick to fall for me within five minutes of laying eyes upon little me and was blunt about it, sending me waves of flirts from an open invitation to “feel [his] arms” (muscular bicep) to a personalized massage to assuage my daily fatigue, all of which I dismissed in a rather haughty way. I excused myself rather rudely by literally running away. I was truthful in saying that I needed to leave, but it was done so hurriedly that he thought I was making an excuse and could hardly hold his disappointment. He was smitten with me during our entire time together, and was already ready to ask me to be his girlfriend within the first hour of meeting me, so was shocked to find that not only did I not reciprocate, but that I pretty much shut him down in a rather arrogant way. My experience with men who pursue me told me that he belonged to the privileged group that is not used to rejection, making it harder for him to handle the situation (and if I guess correctly, his preferences are those Asian girls who are fond of “exotic white guys”, which has served him well in the past). However, unbeknownst to him, not only do I have a honed “Asian-seeker” radar, but I have also been spoiled by my experiences with men and thusly have developed a high threshold for physical attractiveness and monetary assets (a close friend who knows a bit about my personal life would joke how habituated I am to models/modelesque men, actors, and “hot guys” in general). His pride was very wounded, and surfaced blatantly in our later communications. He tried again to pursue me, but with dampened enthusiasm after my keep telling him to pretty much keep it contained.
I agreed to meet with him again with the ulterior intention to apologize better for the last time, but he was reserved and so asked for his friend to join him before confirming our second meeting. Unfortunately, with his friend present, I could not bring the last meeting up. Even worse, because his friend sat directly in front of me and was actually easy to engage, I ended up talking with him almost the entire time. He was solicitous to me even while I was talking to his friend, and took care of my food/eating. In contrast, I acted very uncharacteristically standoffish with only occasional reciprocated courtesy. I should have caught on how neglected he felt when he started staring at the soccer game on the big screen, but was too busy giggling at the round of impressions of British regional accents from his friend. The contrast in attention made him think I was more interested in his handsome, older friend, who is a model (side-job). Oh, and I think I unintentionally confirmed it by praising his friend’s graciousness for accepting me into their “bro-time” while insinuating his poor planning skills. I ended the meal by running away again to go to work, which pretty much was the last straw for him.
I have no problem with your average guys, but always had trouble interacting with attractive men with whom I become uncharacteristically “mean”. With Anthony, I was the first girl to ever rebuff his advances and unimpressed with his looks (until later, in secret, when I subjectively could see why he was a model), which confused him profoundly. Now, here I am, doing the same to this young professional. I feel so apologetic about my behaviour over the last few days. Whenever I do something ill to anyone, even if they deserve it, I cannot help but feel terribly guilty. The only thing that made me feel better is that usually I reject advances from men because they acted inappropriately physically and/or verbally; however, save for a few bold verbal flirts due to his great enthusiasm, this young professional was actually very tame and quite gentlemanly in conduct, especially considering my less-than-friendly remarks about him. I want to apologize, but do not know how to do so without slighting him further. I feel a little like Taylor Swift in “Back to December”. Little me is sorry >w<