It feels strange to talk about the incident on a forum where it happened. I mean, I got stalked on this very site, and then I’m writing about it and publishing it publicly here. Thankfully, it has all been resolved so I have no more reservations – after all, it is my blog. My comfort was further assured after talking to another victim who stopped by my blog out of curiosity – if you’re reading this, thanks for being “nosy” 🙂 I feel the whole incident is more ridiculous now than it is threatening.
At first I have to admit I was very disturbed. Here I was, minding my own business by managing a little known blog when suddenly I received a long and emotionally-charged(!!!) letter from a stranger who claims to know me personally and wants to “reconcile”. Now, normally, as a blogger, I would have been happy for people to take interest in my blog and to receive friendly invitations to connect. I have also real-life friends who know of my blog and whose visits and supports I welcome and appreciate very much; however, everything about this man, from his letters to his behavior, has been extremely disturbing.
- He claims to have “accidentally stumbled onto” my blog when he was conducting “academic research”. I enlisted help from a professional immediately after noting the strange behavior and contact. Along with assistance from the proper authorities it was revealed that he was lying and that he had actually been searching for me/my blog specifically, meaning that he landed on my blog on purpose.
2. He claims he has had the same experiences I have had, which made my history all the more endearing to him. For the experiences that I have had that are quite common, you still need to fulfill cetain conditions first yet he had none of them. Not to minimize his emotional trauma and abuse, but it was rather uncomfortable to see how much he wanted to identify with me through experiences I had which no doubt were unique to me. I mean, it’s just strange to say as a man, you’ve been persecuted as a woman… unless you’re a transgender?
3. He searched through all of my posts and identifies ones that he thinks he is in and tells me that he is the person I was writing about.
4. He wants to take me and Anthony out to know us better when neither of us knows him.
5. He thinks I have his contact and throughout his letter he acts as if we are already on friendly terms.
6. He claims that he sincerely wants to apologize and seek out a reconciliation (for what?!) yet provides presumes a fake identity (darkwyvurne / darkwyvurne.com)
He was disrupting my blog so I had to take action. As I didn’t have his contact (and he faked his information), the only thing I could do was to respond publicly on this blog. I pointed out the inconsistencies to his claims yet he remained absolutely convinced that he knows me personally and that he is the one I had written about ages ago. In my public response to him, I told him that I did not know who he is nor his contact (obviously!), but he ignored it and insisted that I be the one to text him. It was very perplexing. Despite telling him that it did not make sense for him to try to hide his identity if he is convinced we know each other in real life, he continued to do so in his subsequent comments and pressured me to contact him. As well, he continued to deny that his behaviour is unhealthy despite hard evidence that my helper uncovered. That weekend alone, he spent over 40 hours to meticulously and thoroughly review of my entire blog and its 500+ posts over the last 2 years. He also had a particular fondness for anything and everything I wrote about Anthony and any content that could be deemed, well, “adultish” (e.g., when I talked about how men made inappropriate advances at work). It was beyond disturbing. My disturbance elevated to disgust when he kept denying that he pored over my entire blog and yet claimed that he knew what I wrote and did not write on specific days and time periods. I mean, how would you know if you had not read through my entire blog??!!
I enlisted professional help and alerted the proper authorities. Thankfully he was super easy to track down despite his fake information, and they put a stop to his disturbing behaviour. I thought that was the end of the incident, but there was more, and this was the beginning of the ridiculous and more bizarre part.
Apparently, this man, “tlgerald” (or “darkwyvurne”), has been lurking around on dating sites for years and years messaging women he believes were me (or this girl he’s been pursuing). One of the women he recently messaged, WF, admitted she became piqued and stopped by my blog as his messages to her were highly unusual and “creepy”. She read the post I made and thought she’d tell me what he did as internet trolls were one of her biggest petpeeves. To her, he admitted to having met this girl online years ago and has memorized her profile. He has been creeping online ever since waiting for her to return. WF just made her profile when he messaged her – almost immediately. Thinking she was me (or this girl), he spilled his guts. He admitted to having significant difficulties finding a romantic partner and has been seeking out women who have had difficult experiences growing up hoping that they would accept him. He found my blog, thinking I was her simply by the similarity of our usernames. He read my history, which moved him and convinced him that I could be “the one” so started leaving me comments to persuade me to meet him in real life *shudders*
I should also note that I have had a few strange comments left on my blog over the years, but they were rare and random. My helper identified the connections and linked it to him. The similarities in his experiences suggest that it was him behind those few anonymized comments regarding frustrations with unrequited affections and general anger towards women.
As you might tell from now, the whole thing has been extremely bizarre. Personally, even if his story is true and that this entire incident has been genuine mistake, I still feel his approach and intentions have been highly inappropriate. There are things about his behaviour and intentions that I do not simply understand:
- If he had a falling out with this girl and has her contact all this time, why wait until now to contact her?
- He says he never backs out on promises and so that is why he wants to invite her to a baking activity as that was what they were planned to do, but still, why wait this long? If he’s such a promise-keeper and just had to simply re-schedule via text messages, why doesn’t he just do so but instead chose to leave a comment on a stranger’s blog to contact her? What’s the reconciliation about anyway?
- He says he knows this girl, yet later says he only wants to meet her. Which is it anyway? You either know someone or you don’t!
- He claims to be an IT consultant, yet has done a poor job at covering his tracks
- He appears to have a history of harassment
- He shows poor understanding/insight into the appropriateness of his behavior and thinks he is simply being “friendly”
The whole incident concluded when he was tracked down and dealt with by the proper authories – fortunately, it was surprisingly easy.
In all honesty, as a blogger, I always felt privileged and humbled whenever people stop by my blog. I remain anonymous out of personal preference and my own nature to be private, but the posts are public as an invitation for viewing. I appreciate comments and feedbacks, but not in this case when a visitor’s intentions are motivated by loneliness and (possibly romantic) obsession to simply seek me out to see if I can become his, er, yeah…
This whole incident made me feel the urge to speak up about cyberstalking and harassment in general but particularly towards women due to the personal nature. If he happens to read it all the more better! People – and him out of them all! – need to understand that it is NOT acceptable nor appropriate to approach women randomly who do not welcome the contact. You can initiate contact with a stranger, but if she does not reciprocate then she should be left alone. You do NOT simply send her more and more messages trying to convince her she needs to be your “friend”. No means no. It’s as simple as that.
At this point, I admittedly have very little regard for this person. Initially I tried my best to think him as a strangely confused person, but after this whole other revelation I unfortunately have to renounce his benefits to a doubt and dismiss him as a true cyberstalker. However, I remain stern on my recommendation for him to seek professional psychological help.
*Note: These are the aliases that he used to contact me as well as his other victim. Since they are fake and presumably used one time only each to communicate to his victims, I am not violating any ethics.