My Gratitude Diary: Day 710

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I am focused on me. I am strong. I love and am loved . I am blessed. I live in success. I have 幸せ~

I am grateful for the restful sleep

I am grateful for the quick bus ride

I am grateful for the rain to be relatively light when I was out

I am grateful for having food to last me for the night

I am grateful for the open and honest talk with a senior colleague. She had always been pleasant, but for some reason, she became very upset and scared little me today >.< Apparently, my tendency to be private and considerate of others irritated her. Awhile back, the combined stress of dealing with my unlawful landlord and overwhelming school work showed in my mannerism and concerned her. I did not do anything wrong or unethical, but was just strangely tense and anxious; however, because I don’t talk about it and also felt that my presence there was inconveniencing to others, it confused her and made her more worried. My privacy and behaving in a way that conveyed my own perception that I was a nuisance (because I’m a student when everyone else are all professionals) frustrated her and she literally told me off //>.<// I then told her honestly about my situation, which cleared the air. Coincidentally, at the time, I happened to come upon a difficult patient, but because I did not want to cause trouble, I kept quiet about it. As it turned out, the patient was notorious among the staff and if I had simply told my colleague about her she would have helped me deal with the situation instead of thinking/worrying about why I was acting so strangely. The senior colleague told me to just be more forthcoming and not be afraid to ask for help/share my own problems – essentially, act more like part of the team and that I had the right to be there. I am grateful for her concern.

The incidents with my relations recently really reinforced in me the importance of being more open. I rarely have people becoming personally upset with me, but I had been told to act more aggressively and entitled (literally). For example, my old mentor and former VP Student of the university, actually told me to tell me to freely call him by his first name and to be more active in asking for help instead of shouldering everything myself. We engaged in a bit of a philosophical debate about the virtue of selfish/selflessness where he challenged me on the issue in an attempt to get me to share my burden with others. this  Recently, too, in school, the professor noticed that I carried the team project. I am aware that part of why I do this is not only because of my predisposition to be private, but also because I don’t feel right to trouble others, especially when my circumstances are so incredulous. As an empiricist, I always need evidence and proof before committing to judgment; however, I did not extend this to others and would worry that I would not be believed despite it being the truth because my experiences and circumstances are often so remarkable and contradictory. For example, my landlord is a realtor yet ignorant of the tenancy law and that I really don’t know how old I am. In addition, the fact I have had unwanted and unusual attention and interest in little me did not help in this regard either. I had been working on being more open, so hopefully moving on I will do it more~

I am grateful for the peace I had after the talk

I am grateful for the work done today!

Dear Lord:

Can I ask to have more normal experiences/life? Because sometimes being an unicorn, lol, can be hard… >.<

In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen

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